


Doubt

by starlocked



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Cussing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional self harm, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Prinxiety - Freeform, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Songfic, cursing, of course it's roman who's hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25080808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlocked/pseuds/starlocked
Summary: Songfic based on Doubt by Twenty One Pilots
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> "Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity  
> Scared of my own ceiling, scared I'll die of uncertainty  
> fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety"

"Yeah, right…" 

The moment he sank back into his own room, Roman drew his katana with a yell and slashed through the wedding invitation still sitting on his kitchen counter. The blade buried into the wood and Roman tried to yank it free. With a great amount of effort, it came loose and Roman swung down again harder this time. The katana was embedded so deeply this time that after a long struggle, Roman torqued the handle the wrong way and shattered the blade. He stared dumbfounded at the broken sword before conjuring a snake plush and stabbing it through the eye with the ragged edge. He dropped both and left them there in the middle of the floor, yelling and grabbing at his hair. Before long the screams gave way to tears and he collapsed on the couch, shoulders shaking with the heavy sobs.

Patton tried to visit but the devastated prince wouldn't acknowledge his presence. After a long time trying to coax the upset side and several sideways glances to the mutilated stuffed animal, he gave him a solid pat on the back and left to check on the others, promising to come back when Roman was ready. 

Roman kept crying for hours until the flow of tears ebbed into rivulets staining his cheeks. His sash was definitely ruined, smudged with mascara and snot, and soaked in tears. Roman shakily stood, walking to the bathroom and was taken aback by the sight in the mirror.

He looked worse than his sash, face red and splotchy, mascara everywhere. It was rather undignified. Monstrous. He was a monster. Roman rested heavily on the sink, taking large gasping breaths and trying to calm down enough to think.

He’d laughed at Deceit- Janus’ name. It was a stupid sounding name- it sounded like a joke. Was he supposed to believe the snake would be called “Janice”? But then a small wave of regret hit him square in the chest. How did he let himself do something so immature? Was he actually… he couldn’t even bring himself to think the word Janus had used. 

None of this was right. He always strove to do the honorable thing, how had his decisions gone so wrong? Weddings were a time of celebration, how was he supposed to know that sacrificing a selfish opportunity for a happy celebration would end so badly. The Dark Sides were coming to light, even Remus wasn’t outright hated. And if Remus wasn’t hated, how could he be loved?

“I thought I was your hero.”

A lot of fucking good being “loved” did him.

Roman gripped the edge of the sink with both hands, tightening and loosening his fingers in a quick rhythm. He glared up at the mirror one last time and decided that moping wasn’t going to cut it this time. And a certain side had some explaining to do. He straightened up, a dark gleam in the eyes of his reflection as he sunk out of his room.

Roman took a deep breath of the chilly air in this room. Virgil was nowhere to be seen but the creative side could already feel the corrupting influence of his darkest thoughts. It wasn’t like when Thomas had brought them here; this time he  _ wanted  _ to be here. What was it Logan had said the first time? 

_ Catharsis. _

Thomas hated Roman and no one could trust him anymore; no one wanted him anymore- the words of his fears finally articulated in his mind. He could dream up a million reasons why they were right, Virgil’s dark kingdom gave him that freedom. Roman took another deep breath, letting the cold soak into his bones.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” Roman jumped as Virgil popped into his room, eyeshadow practically down his cheeks, and hoodie pulled tight around his face. Roman just laughed, a low and menacing sound in stark contrast to his usually cheerful laughter.

“Where the fuck were you? Did your old pal  _ Janus _ ask you to sit this one out, bitch?” Roman shot back with an accusing glare. Virgil took a step back. 

“He told you guys his name? What the fuck happened?” Virgil started pacing the room, keeping a close eye on the Prince, noticing the effects of his room on his friend. “And again, what are you doing here, Roman?” 

“Well, it’s clear to me now that I have a pretty skewed vision of reality... I thought I’d correct it. You know, since I’m the evil twin,” Roman summoned his katana, but only the handle and the broken edge of the blade appeared, sharp ragged edges glinting in the minimal light. Virgil stopped in his tracks and stared at Roman.

“No.. that’s Remus… he’s always been the dark version of you. Roman, please. Talk to me,” Virgil looked him in the eyes and Roman could finally see the utter exhaustion in the anxious side’s face, and a distinct lack of malice towards him. “I pulled so much overtime today, avoiding interacting with people at the reception, working to make sure Thomas didn’t get caught unawares, all the sitting down and standing up for no real reason. Today was a nightmare, and as soon as Thomas got out of the car I tuned out because I couldn’t handle any more today. I don’t know what happened after he got home,” Roman lowered his sword, the eyeshadow under his own eyes darkening.

“I’m… sorry, Virgil. I should have known my stupidity hurt you too,” with a heavy sigh Roman collapsed to his knees. On the floor, he felt tears begin to flow again and he hung his head in shame.

“Woah, this isn’t talking. Um…” Virgil looked around and grabbed a tissue box, dusting off the cobwebs before setting it next to Roman. He sat down on the couch next to Roman, internally debating whether or not to touch his shoulder as a comfort. He decided against it. “Roman, please. I’m not upset about you choosing the wedding. We would have both been working overtime over the callback. Princey, please, just talk to me.”

Slowly, through tears and rants, Roman relayed the whole evening. The ethical debates and video games. Patton’s hulk out and Janus’ name reveal. Virgil had pulled him up onto the couch, allowing Roman to rest his head in his lap. Virgil found himself brushing dark bangs out of the disgraced prince’s face as the effects of his room grew heavier.

“... Patton was running amok! And Thomas, Thomas was actually listening to that snake. And.. and…” with a fresh wave of tears Roman continued, “Thomas lied. To my face. Because of Deceit. I messed up, Virge... And he hates me for it.”

“Wow, Roman, I mean this in the nicest way possible but how stupid are you?” Roman was too tired to even gasp. Virgil looked down at his pouting face, “one of his biggest fears is losing your spark of creative drive. Without you, we’re nothing. Do you honestly believe that Thomas would lie to you, with Deceit there to call him out on it? Does it benefit Thomas to lie to you?” Roman sniffed, looking anywhere but at the anxious side’s face. 

“How can I believe you over any of the others?” Roman muttered, pushing himself up into a sitting position, still refusing to look at Virgil. 

With a sigh, Virgil stood up. “I will be right back- you stay right where you are,” with that Virgil sunk out of his room. Roman stared at the spot he’d disappeared. Less than a minute later, Virgil popped back into existence right in front of Roman, offering him a hand up. “Come on. You have been in here too long. It’s late so the common room is empty.” Roman rubbed his cheek and looked at his hand that came away black. 

“I suppose you have a point…” 

“Are you going to do the breathing exercise with me or do I need to shock you out?” Virgil smirked, still offering a hand up. 

Roman took a deep breath, grabbed the offered hand and stood, letting Virgil guide him in the 4-7-8 pattern they were both used to by now. They both sank out of Virgil’s room and rose up in front of the couch in the common room. The title menu for Moana was already looping on the television and Virgil gestured to a pile of pillows and blankets on the couch. 

Roman stared at the setup, “wow, you… are fast.”

“Fight of Flight, am I right?” Virgil smirked, headed to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. Roman sat tentatively on the couch, terrified another side would pop in and ask what he was still doing there. Virgil came back with two steaming mugs, handing one to Roman. 

“Hey, Roman, look at me,” Virgil said gently, his hand resting on top of the creative side’s hand. “I know it feels bad right now. I understand not feeling like enough. You will have more opportunities, but you have to be here and be willing to do better. Janus is a lot, but he’s not evil. You aren’t evil for disagreeing with him. We all just have different priorities. Recognize the mistakes that were made so we can all move forward together, okay?” 

“Okay Virgil, uh,” Roman hesitated, barely able to make eye contact. “I want to thank you, for listening to me and for… reassuring me. You are the best kind of friend I could want.”

“Oh quit with the mushy stuff!” Virgil smirked and punched him in the shoulder. Roman gave a small smile and took a sip of hot chocolate. He scooted closer to Virgil who wrapped them both together in blankets and started the movie. 

Patton found them both asleep in a tangle of limbs and blankets on the couch in the morning and smiled weakly. There was a lot to remedy, but at least this was a start.

**Author's Note:**

> "Even when I doubt you I'm no good without you"


End file.
